011 Force or Flow, Dancing Pregnant and a Subway PSA
Your bi-weekly source of inspiration as we navigate the journey of motherhood. Think chicken soup for "mommy brain".
So, I’d written my normal style intro—but then I thought, why not share a 9 Months In, 9 Months Out to start this post off? Beyoncé themed, of course.
When I dance, I feel in a flow (regardless of what it might look like), and it seems my baby feels the same, now dancing herself!
Feeling in flow is a theme that carries throughout this post, with some beautiful Mama Milestones and some musings from the past couple weeks that I’m excited to share.
Thank you for reading, and enjoy. (For those who haven’t already—be sure to subscribe below!)
9 Months In
9 Months Out
Force or Flow
I don’t even know where it came from, but over the past month, I’ve been living by the mantra: Force or Flow.
There’s been so much change in my life since becoming a mother, and times where I’ve felt overwhelmed, guilty, angry, frustrated. Trying to get myself on a night out, or make it to a playdate, or take on a new client, or even just texting someone back.
And that’s when the mantra comes in:
Am I in Force or am I in Flow?
I’ve realized that when I’m in Force, things are harder than they should be—even feeling resistance in the simplest of tasks—and my inner voice is pissed off.
But when I’m in Flow, things unfold differently—more smoothly and that voice inside me cheers up and cheers me on.
It’s as much physical as it is mental. In Force, my body is uptight and tired but in Flow, it’s relaxed and energetic. To get poetic, Force is like swimming against the tide and Flow is like moving with it.
So I’ve been checking in with myself to see where I can move towards Flow and away from Force in my life. I know this isn’t a fix-all, especially for when navigating more intense life transitions—but I wanted to share how I’ve been using Force of Flow because in the everyday, it’s been grounding for me.
First by identifying, and then by actioning.
Part 1: Identifying
So what brings me Flow? Writing, being silly with baby and husband, dancing, baby classes (honestly!), family time, creative brainstorms, brand strategy projects, hosting at our new home, sex, engaging conversations with friends.
And Force? Slack (shudder), household chores, exercise, finding time to cook my baby solids (three meals a day?!), same-day work deadlines, clothes shopping (particularly changing rooms).
(Disclaimer: This is based on my personal experience and where I’m at in my life, looking at the day-to-day. I recognize.)
Part 2: Actioning
With Flow: It’s about taking those things that light you up and exploring and expanding upon them. Seeing where they might take you. For example, when I get into my groove, writing is so inspiring to me and I really want to see where it leads me next.
“I developed a theory of optimal experience based on the concept of flow — the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.” Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
With Force: It’s about being proactive with removing, reframing or outsourcing those things. For example, chores—collecting and washing the bottles, taking out the trash, making the beds. Rather than being a pain in the ass, I now view them as meditative, part of a morning routine that sets me up in Flow for the day, taking time away from scrolling through my phone first thing.
And I so want to encourage you to do the same—checking in with yourself during your day or week and asking: Am I in Flow or am I in Force? The phrase Go With The Flow will take on a whole new meaning.
A Mix of Musings
Reading The Mother Year by Chelsea Scaffidi—I went to a Mother’s Circle hosted by Chelsea this week, discussing her daily reflections on the first year of motherhood. After interviewing over 100 mums, Chelsea saw commonalities in experiences and views it as Seasons. For those still in year one, I really recommend having a look! As she put it, I’m entering my Summer Integration phase which feels very much aligned with where I’m at right now.
Using the Mother Untitled toolkit—Anyone I’ve spoken to over the past month will know how inspired I’ve been by Neha Ruch @motheruntitled, after meeting in New York. The toolkit on her website has some incredible resources to help navigate tricky conversations with work — from scripts and discussion guides tackling going part time, post-nups and career downshifts.
Scrolling HeySleepyBaby comments—Highlighting the wild things mums have done to help their child sleep better… just to remind us that we are not alone. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty inspired by the hair extensions in the crib idea?
Mamas’ Milestones
Chloe Strutt | Mama of 1
I’ve wanted to contribute to the Motherhood Musings milestones from the very beginning and truthfully, it’s not that I haven’t felt I’ve reached any, I’ve had… plenty—the most memorable one still embarrassingly being when I finally made it to my manicure appointment those first few weeks postpartum, having missed about 6 and the salon no longer accepting my bookings and me begging, in floods of tears down the phone to see me ASAP while my baby slept. I ran there, had a speedy manicure and noticed when I got home that I had leaked from both boobs all the way down to my trousers, the awkwardness from the guy at the till that I’d chatted to for far too long now making perfect sense. But my nails looked good and it felt like a huge achievement.
A few weeks later, I levelled up and managed a 4.5-hour stint at the hairdressers with baby in tow.
(Now that I’ve written all of that, I’m remembering that I also went to a festival with my baby when he was 4 weeks old and that would have been a way more badass milestone to write about but the nails and hair came to mind first so I’m trusting it. And thank god I’ve written this little “addendum” so that anyone reading this also knows about the cool festival thing…!)
So I had lots of these (not-actually-that) little milestones and they felt good. Like… obviously it’s nice to not feel like a troll and it’s also nice to experience the logistical accomplishment of such feats with a newborn. But they were fleeting and my cup wasn’t going to keep getting filled with trips to the salon.
The way I’m filling up my cup now is through… my business. ‘Say whaaaat?’ I hear you say. And to that I say ‘I hear ya. But bear with.’
There’s a lot of talk about the chaos of matrescence, with its dreaded brain fog amongst other things. But something that is much less spoken about is the expansion you can feel in this period of your life. Both are not mutually exclusive of course. “Mum brain” has hit me hard, like when I ran around Tesco’s screaming that I’d lost my baby, until a very sweet woman pointed out that I had him in the carrier — whoops! But I have also never felt more inspired and creative than I do at the moment.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise. Creativity is linked with increased oxytocin, a hormone that goes through the roof in labour and during breastfeeding.
And spiritually, it’s believed that our womb is our creative centre and holds the key to our deepest intuition, our life force energy.
And I’m well and truly feeling it! And welcoming it! But the irony is that while the creative juices may be a’flowing, you still have a baby to look after so actioning any of your million sprouting ideas feels kind of impossible — though I’ve given (nearly) all of them a good go….! Publishing a children’s book, launching a maternity clothes brand, optimising a friend’s business systems, working for a festival, volunteering in schools, managing a band, finish writing all my outstanding essays…
But the one that has stuck has been my doula & hypnobirthing business. I did the training and have launched my business, website and all. And it feels like a huge milestone. And it doesn’t feel familiar like the nail salon or hairdresser’s. I don’t feel like I’m awkwardly patching parts of my old self together, but shedding a skin to my new self.
To reference the last motherhood musings, I feel like a totally new shade of colour than I was pre motherhood and it’s my favourite colour I’ve ever been.
Feels like I should end this with a plug, though that really wasn’t the intention of this. Or was it? You’ll never know! www.chloestrutt.com.
Susie Sherling | Mama of 2
We more often than not relate milestones to tracking others' progress—at work, in life, or at home with each other. As a mother of two young boys, our milestones have looked very different over the years, from giving birth to first birthdays to the first day of preschool to graduating kindergarten, losing teeth, and everything in between. But what about our own milestones as a parent on the same journey as their children? Learning new behaviors and patterns? Figuring out how to respond without creating any setbacks? The parallel road we are on with our kids is usually ignored, because let’s face it, they come first.
But what if we paused, just for a moment, to acknowledge our own growth within this incredible, often demanding, role? What if we recognized the subtle shifts in our own landscape of motherhood? And what about those deliberate steps we take to nurture ourselves amidst the beautiful chaos?
For me, a recent milestone has been learning to truly listen to the unspoken needs of my children. For years, I operated on a foundation of addressing the obvious: hunger, tiredness, a scraped knee. But as they grow, their inner worlds become more complex. Their anxieties, their frustrations, their burgeoning independence – these often manifest in ways that aren't explicitly verbalized.
My milestone has been developing a finer-tuned intuition, a heightened sensitivity to the subtle cues: the furrowed brow during playtime, the sudden withdrawal during a family activity, the quiet sigh that seems to carry more weight than just simple tiredness. It’s not about mind-reading, but rather about paying closer attention, asking open-ended questions, and creating a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing, even when they don't have the words. This wasn't a skill I was born with. It was forged through countless moments of misinterpretation, of reacting instead of understanding. It was learned through the patient guidance of my children themselves, who, in their own way, taught me to look beyond the surface.
And then there are the milestones that are purely for us, the conscious choices we make to replenish our own well-being. For some, it might be finally carving out ten minutes each day for a quiet cup of tea. For others, it could be re-establishing a connection with an old friend. For me, a significant recent milestone has been dusting off my dance shoes and joining a weekly class.
It’s more than just exercise; it’s an hour where I can unwind, connect with my body, and let go of the mental load that motherhood so often brings. It’s a space to reconnect with a part of myself that sometimes gets buried under the demands of raising young children. The laughter shared with other adults, the focus on the music and movement, the sheer joy of letting go – it’s a powerful reminder that nurturing myself isn't a luxury, but a necessity.
These milestones, both the internal shifts in our parenting and the deliberate acts of self-care, feel profound. They aren't always as outwardly celebrated as a first step or a school graduation, but they are fundamental to our growth and sustainability as mothers. They build a deeper foundation of resilience, understanding, and joy, one quiet observation, one conscious choice, at a time.
So, what are your motherhood milestones? What subtle shifts in your parenting, what acts of self-care, what quiet victories have you experienced on this parallel journey? Let's start acknowledging our own growth, our own evolution, within the beautiful, messy, and utterly unique experience of being a mother. Let's celebrate ourselves, too.
I also absolutely loved this post from Sazan sharing her Milestone of learning how to ride a bike alongside her kids.
And to wrap it up, this pretty much sums up how I’m feeling now I’ve moved to Brooklyn. I’ve still not braved the subway but PSA: Please somebody fix the system and clean the elevators!!!
What do you think? Comment below or email/message me with your musings, and I’d love to feature them if you’re open to it!
loved this one miche xxxxx